England
Great Brittania, also known as England '''or '''Great British Empire Homeland, is a small island off the coast of Ireland and it is connected to the desert wasteland of Scotland and the great fields and farms collectively known as Wales. The country is known for its creation of the Internet and the film Cheesy Slices. History Prehistoric Era (22 quadrillion B.C. to 1006 B.C.) In 22,222,200,009,764,656 B.C. (22 quadrillion B.C.), cave men entered the beaches of Dragon Land, despite a reptile problem. Soon afterwards, the "discovered" fire, despite the rumors that they stole it from a dragon's mouth. The cavemen kept being racist to the dragons and eventually spread around England, wiping out all of the dragons, so only cavemen and animals were left. For the next twenty-one quadrillion years, cavemen ruled with no uprisings. But in 1, 222, 200, 001, 761, 650 B.C. (1 quadrillion B.C.), Indians stormed into the island from what is now called Indian Territory B and took over two caveman tribes, raping the women. Indian tribe leader Achatachi Bluntte declaredhimself Great British Emperor, having just named it Great Britain. Bluntte and his new government, the "British Parliament" stormed Dragon Land and burnt down the Caveman Museum of Natural History. A cavewoman called Gladys Bernard got angry because her husband had built that museum from beyond the grave. Gladys and her fellow original British cavemen (named "the Tree People") declared war on the Parliament and, for the next over a quadrillion years, fought each other. They eventually came to peace when they discovered the threats of foreign invaders. The Roman Invasion (1006 B.C. to 638 B.C.) Gladys' descendent Boudicca, Boudicca's husband Randy and their daughters were given half of Britain whilst the Parliament kept the other part and numbered their new territories by letter (Indian Territory A, Indian Territory B and Indian Territory C). Boudicca, Randy and Achatachi Bluntte's descendant Badger Bluntson met up for New Parliament meetings and, after a vote, Badger Bluntson became the first ever President. Boudicca and Randy, along with their daughters, became the British Royal Family. In the year 1006 B.C., Julius Caesar and his son Julious Sneezer led the Roman army into Indian Territory A, where the bloodthirsty centurions raped the women and burnt things down (just like the Indians had done a quadrillion years earlier). They then did the same with Indian Territory C, naming Indian Territories A and C as New Italy, or, indivually, Squeeze Tin and Olde Canada. Next, they attempted to enter Territory B, but the the President had already ordered the construction of the Great Wall of Britain, stopping the soldiers from invading. Elsewhere in Great Britain, the other Roman army, controlled by Claudio August, marched through Dragonland, but failed to capture it, so went the other way, to Sliddlingtonville and quickly claimed a small portion of it, naming it as Little Toe. They also took an unnamed piece of British land and called it Alduin's Wall, after the place in the contenant of Tamriel. They got to the Gayleaf Planes and planted trees, in order to get fresh fruit. Pudge Place was soon also taken. In 999 B.C., Caser, Sneezer, August, Randy, Boudicca and Bluntson each signed a peace treaty, where they each kept the land they had at that time in the war and never fought again. The Roman territories were made up of Squeeze Tin, Gayleaf Forest, Pudge Place, Alduin's Wall and Little Toe. The only Indian territory left was Indian Territory B, so, in a peace offering, the Romans gave Bluntson the county next to ITB, Olde Canada. The group descended from the original cavemen calling themselves The Tree People still had hold on Dragon Land and Sliddlingtonville. For the next forty years, the Indians, Romans and Tree People lived together in harmony, until 959 B.C., when Julious Sneezer and his freiends Brutus and Cassius murdered Julius Caesar back in Rome, just after Caesar had declared himself Big Chief Italy, or "Emperor", as it is sometimes called. Sneezer, Brutus and Cassius were each executed in Squeeze Tin, where the trio had been hiding. Claudio August, a close friend of Sneezer's, more than of Caesar, was made the new permanent leader of New Italy and the British-Italian territories. August, however, wanted New Italy to have independence from Rome and Rome's new leader Mark Antony, so, in 950 B.C., New Italy declared war on Italy. In two months, Antony and his armies entered Great Britain and massacred the uprisers. Antony didn't understand why the dominant nation of Italy should have to share with the other parts of Britain (Mark didn't let the other kids use his toys at play school). In 949 B.C., Antony forced August to sign a document naming the Italian territories in Great Britain as Great Britannia and Antony as the Chancellor of Great Britannia. The next day Claudio was beheaded and his corpse was shat in by Mark Antony and Cleopatra, who preceded to have sex on top of it. It was featured in their pornographic book, My Sexy Roman General. Over the next three hundred years, the Romans slowly took land from the Indians and Tree People. By 638 B.C., the whole of England was Great Britannia. Ruled by Romans (638 B.C. to 1066 A.D.) Despite the Roman rule on Great Britannia, Boudicca's descendants were still the Royal Family, but, so that the Romans could keep in control, the Royals were often inpregnated by random Roman soldiers. In 638 B.C., Wendy Ugly was the disgusting Queen of Great Britannia, Tutankahmun's Mummy was Chancellor and that mad party animal Calgula was President (you ever parties with that guy? He's hardcore). They were known as 'The Three Fuckateers', for their achievements in Fuceology and Katerring. Unforntunately, their name led sick-minded people to think that they had threesomes. "GROSS!" said Tutankahmun about Wendy Ugly. "I would not put my erection in that...Caligula however...Let's just say he's an animal. Not only at partying. If you know what I mean. Wink wink. I mean anal sex, by the way." For several simply inaproppriate comments, Tutankahmun's mummy was taken back to Egypt, where it would wait another one and a half thousand years to unleash it's curse. Only Caligula and Wendy were left to rule England. They got married in 630 B.C. and moved to Egypt to hang out with Tutankahmun more. With The Three Fuckateers gone, Great Britannia was given a dictator in the form of Wendy's son from her first marriage: Joseph the Carpenter. For the next 600 years, Joseph was criogenically frozen. He was only woken up in 30 B.C., when he met Mary. They got married ten years later. For the next 20 years, Mary remained a virgin because Joseph was too nervous. Then she was visited by Angel Gabriel and made pregnant. Joseph felt like paying a visit to Wendy and Caligula's children in Bethlehem, so they journeyed off. When Baby Jesus was under attack, Joseph never returned to England, so their was no ruler. In 5 A.D., the Indians and Tree People no longer had any land, so they staged a rebellion against the Roman Empire, which failed and, as a punishment, all of the non-Roman people were branded with a C on their faces and nicknamed Celts. Even the new King of Great Britannia, Jesus, was almost branded. Because Jesus was on the run from the Romans, his Indian-Egyptian cousin Dali Singh was given the throne and came to the UK. Dali named his bodyguard Ethelbert Edgartone as President, but Edgartone was a Saxon in disguise and, as President, made Great Britannia a colony of Germany. The Rmans declared war on the Saxons and this battle went on for centuris, despite Viking raids (they raped women and set stuff on fire, just like the Indians and Romans had before). In 1066, the Romans went bak to Italy because the were under attack back home. This left the Saxons and Vikings to argue about who was rightful leader. Dali Singh's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter Michelle Dell said that whoever was first to impregnate her would be made President, if that were Viking King Harald Rodenmaeeaear or Anglo-Saxon King Harold Godwinson. Harald and Harold kept trying to get to Michelle's underwear, but her heart was won by some French guy called Cabby Smith AKA Willie the Bastard. Cabby stabbed Harold in the eye with an arrow and shot Harald in the groin. Now the Normans and New Royal Family (Cabby and Michelle's children) were in control. Category:Countries